Phew! Ok, we can now cross out "Biggest Most Constructive Fight To Date" from our to-do list!

I just want to say first, that fighting when your married is VERY different than fighting with a significant other who you are not married to. I think both of us worked ourselves up before hand with this assumption, and then when we actually sat down, looked each other in the face, we realized that it was completely different than fighting with anyone else we'd ever fought with. First off, there was no fear that if I said something he really didn't like he'd leave me and instead there was a very real need for both of us to completely speak our minds b/c we couldn't just end the fight by walking away and never talking again. We both had to be completely satisfied with whatever outcome we came up with. Second, I really, truly, did not want to hurt him, so even though I was going to speak my mind completely, I recognized and WANTED to take the sting out of what I had to say. I didn't want to yell at him, I wanted him to understand. So, that being said, we had a constructive instead of destructive fight.

DH was able to show me that when he had decided to stay, he wasn't deciding to hang out with this friend. He was, instead, deciding not to let this guy affect what he had planned to be doing that evening. He wanted to be there, he had planned to be there all day, and he wasn't going to let this guy ruin his evening by running him off. He felt he WAS supporting my decision to leave by giving me the key and finding his own ride home.

I, in turn, was able to somewhat show him that in choosing to show a, divided front shall we say, I felt he was not supporting my decision not to see this person. I admit, I didn't try all that hard to "convince" him of the validity of my hurt and instead just asked him to recognize that it was there. In examining his point of view, I came to realize that he does not feel a need for a unified "team" thing in our marriage, in fact, a real aversion to one, so I thought there was no point in trying to make him understand it.

Much crying and hugging throughout and while this whole friend issue is far from resolved, I am no longer in a fight with my husband. He assures me that he does not want anything to do with this person still, that he did not even acknowledge this person's presence that night. Since it seems we can't control where this person goes exept when it comes to our own house, we'll have to be dealing with this situation in the future again... but at least now I will know that in choosing to stay my dh is not choosing him over me. And I'm free to leave all I want.. and I was not the only one who left either.