Happily Married's topics - tribe.net

Memorial Day

2008-05-26T18:44:19Z

Millions died so we could live. The least we can do is be happily married to our spouse. I will remember this today and treat my wife to a good time.

posted in Happily Married - 1 reply

Is anyone still happy?

2008-03-25T01:36:53Z

Or are we so blissful that we have nothing to talk about <g>?

A couple of weeks ago, on a glorious vacation to the UK, my hubby and I celebrated the 20th anniversary of our first date/kiss/<ahem>. 20 years!!! I don't *even* feel old enough to have been with someone for that long, but I'm so very, very grateful that he's put up with me : ).

He didn't remember the date, but hey, that's one place where we are a conventional married couple...I keep the calendar and send the cards and such. But he always remembers our real anniversary, and my birthday, so I'm not complaining.

Sooooooo, tell me something happy!!! Why are you in love with your spouse today?

posted in Happily Married - 11 replies

holiday

2007-11-15T19:00:16Z

having my anniversary over the Thanksgiving holiday (going to Hawaii)

I don't have any special PJ's .. how important is it?

He never seems to care what I wear, really its not something he seems to feel thankful for. Noticed that about two weeks after the honeymoon

soooo

should I just stay with my feelings and not think about it or try to make a surprise or slinky stuff every night???????

posted in Happily Married - 3 replies

What's your secret : )?

2007-09-09T15:36:04Z

I'm about to have another wedding anniversary (17), and that made me think about the other happy married people in Tribe! Hi, folks : ).

So, my hubby and I have been together for 20 years this year, and people are always asking me what our secret is. Sure, there's communication, respect, laughter, touch...all very important things!! But what I always bive as advice, since I'm a snarky bastard, is this:

Never, ever see one another go to the bathroom!

I say it jokingly, but in all honesty there *is* something to keeping the "mystery" in a relationship (for us...I know that some will not agree). And, yes, in 22 years of friendship, and 20 of love, I've never seen my husband pee <lol>.

Sooooo, besides the top three (communication, commnication, and communication), what sage advice do you other long-marrieds give to people when they ask "What's the secret to a happy marriage"?

posted in Happily Married - 6 replies

are chores an issue?

2007-06-10T12:33:42Z

who does what? Is it on a schedule each week?

posted in Happily Married - 6 replies

I met my spouse in a ....

2007-05-17T22:53:24Z

City Park. :)

posted in Happily Married - 78 replies

What to do about a low libido?

2007-04-21T01:49:16Z

hey all,

i'm pretty recently married (Aug.) and my husband and I have an incredible relationship. We are very happy and loving and supportive. He is truly my best friend and I his. Our only problem really is that I have a much lower libido than he does. This was not always the case. I suppose he might have always been slightly ahead of me, but for the most part we were pretty equal when first together. About a year ago, he cheated. it was a one time thing and it's a long story, but we got through it and are closer than ever. But our sex life has never fully recovered. I just don't feel sexual that much any more. When we have sex it's great, but most of the time, i just really couldn't care less. We're still really affectionate and loving, but not that sexual. I feel totally over the infidelity, so i'm not sure that it's even the source of all this, but it did start around the same time. It's frustrating knowing that his needs aren't really being met and that I seem to have lost what used to be a pretty major part of me and us. Any suggestions? Remedies, tips etc?

posted in Happily Married - 10 replies

Can anyone relate?

2007-04-07T19:21:18Z

Ok, sexual content here, so click bye bye if you'd be offended please.

Landy and I feel that our bodies are *trying* to get pregnant. The chemistry between us is so strong that sometimes it's just unbearable. I feel like my body is trying to get pregnant and he says he feels like his is trying to do it to me.

So what, you say? Well, we have no children by choice. We don't want any. Just our lifestyle--not knockin anyone else.

But what the hell???? Even if one of us isn't feeling well or we're really tired or whatever. If we are close enough to each other, we're like sexual magnets.

Anyone? Anyone?

posted in Happily Married - 5 replies

Anniversary

2007-04-07T19:08:35Z

Hi All,

Monday was our 30th anniversary and we are 48 years old now. We have never been any closer to each other. Yes, that is my wife Connie and I in the Tribes main photograph. It was my high school graduation and nine months before we got married..... Maybe one out of 50 expressed any hope for us to make it.

I miss my hair :-)

Enjoy your spouse and remind them how you feel and accept that there will be times when one of you may seem to be in left field.

The society we live in is stressful and cares nothing (and teaches nothing) about family values. I was recently asked in front of a large audience "what is the secret to a long happy marriage." I said "don't expect too much."

Many people seemed shocked by my response. I would say it again because once we buy into the TV land marriage where everyone has a ten body and millions of dollars without having to work, the game is over. So many people seem to marry an illusion of constant and effortless happiness and when the party is over, it's time for a divorce.

I am so thankful my wife showed up in 1972, our souls have been connected ever since and they will be until we leave this earth.

posted in Happily Married - 5 replies

True Confession: Why did you Join This Tribe!

2007-02-21T20:55:22Z

Do you want to brag about your spouse? Is it a beard so you can lurk in the "Mature" rooms guilt free? Do you want to advise others as to how to have a happy marriage? Do you want to see how your happiness stacks up against others? Are you a voyeur and want a behind-closed-doors look at how other couples make thier marriages happy!

I think I am the voyeur type ;)

Come-on...Fess up!

posted in Happily Married - 51 replies

Hello all

2007-02-04T17:02:20Z

Not many posts for the New Year, so I'll start..... I'm not the best domestic type but we've worked things out to be fairly equal. I made breakfast this morning, only because he asked. He made dinner last night. I'm doing a load of laundry only because I need a pair of jeans to wear today.

We are happy! We have fun, we get one day off a week together and we try to do atleast one thing for each other like go for a walk on the beach. Even if its only for a little while. Its good...

Now how about you? There are a lot of people in this tribe but no posts??

Just say one thing nice about your partner ok?

posted in Happily Married - 15 replies

Wedding Photographer...

2006-10-03T02:21:38Z

Hi,

I hope to be happily married soon, but first we need to find a good wedding photographer....any recommendations?

Thanks so much!
Desiree

posted in Happily Married - 2 replies

Whoa! Brad Pitt's Marriage Statement

2006-09-25T17:41:00Z

Go Brad!
http://www.theatremama.com/ccount/click.php?id=208

Didn't see that one coming, but thought I would share!

M-

posted in Happily Married - 2 replies

How many of you would

2006-09-12T17:07:10Z

allow your significant other to have a sexual experience with someone else if it was only going to be one time and never happen again?

posted in Happily Married - 19 replies

Sexual Attraction

2006-08-13T05:39:52Z

What do you do when you're not sexually attracted to your partner anymore?

posted in Happily Married - 14 replies

Bro's before Ho's?

2006-07-27T17:39:37Z

Can they still invoke that rule once they get married?!?!??!

I mean, I see in a way how by marrying him I married his friends too. But when a friend has seriously insulted and threatened your wife's well being, when your wife has repeatedly asked to take a break from said friend, and when you yourself have gotten so mad and fed up with said friend that you have expressed numerous times recently that you don't want to see said friend either...... is it unreasonable for your wife to ask that you leave a gathering TOGETHER when said friend shows up expressly uninvited?

And, since you did not leave said gathering together and instead left your wife to make her exit by herself while you made nice with said friend whom you said you didn't want to see.... would you be surprised and caught off guard by your wife feeling betrayed and hurt?

posted in Happily Married - 10 replies

Ok, something funny you guys!

2006-07-11T05:37:25Z

HELP!! Going to a party in drag...

Does anyone have any ideas or tips? My husband is going as a catholic school girl (he looks totally hot, too). I wanted to go in drag as his protective and jealous boyfriend. We both think it will be lots of fun, but it's been 20 years since I've been in drag.

Anyone??

posted in Happily Married - 4 replies

It's only been 6 weeks...

2006-07-08T00:18:15Z

...and I still haven't made that mind/soul connection within myself that I'm actually married. I guess what I mean is that it hasn't sunk in except to make me a little rebellious here and there from the subconscious cliche ball and chain concept. I love Landy and I want to be married, but how long does it take to get used to no longer having total freedom?????

posted in Happily Married - 4 replies

videotape yourself telling your inspiring story of your marriage. Earn $50 and share your positivity!

2006-06-26T01:43:26Z

Tell us all about finding the love of your life... We want to hear your stories!

We're looking for people to videotape themselves telling their stories. 5 minutes and under.

We will compensate you $50 for each submission that is accepted to be part of our DVD compilation!

Please visit our website where you can get all the details on how to submit.

go to: doseofinspiration.com

posted in Happily Married - 0 replies

Would gender matter?

2006-06-05T23:57:11Z

If you're one of those people who:

1. Considers yourself to be in a relationship with your true soulmate

2. Had ever met, marrried or connected with what you considered was your soulmate in this lifetime

3. Is truly, madly, deeply in love with your significant other

4. Been married (with or with out kids) for several years

5. Is about to be married

6. Is in a long-term relationship and planning to keep it that way

What would you have done differently if your love was a different gender?

posted in Happily Married - 6 replies

"Wandering" Eye or Mind

2006-05-24T22:15:53Z

Hi All,
Just figured I'd move this discussion to a new thread so as not to high jack the sex in marriage one anymore. :-) I was interested in other people's opinions on their spouses having a "wandering" eye, or mind through fantasies, and whether you are ok with it? Do you tolerate it with limits? Is it completely forbidden? Is it a reaccuring issue in your relationship or is your system working? Things like looking at other people on the street, porn, fantasies while masturbating, etc. I know this could possibly be a charged and too personal subject for some, but I really am interested if you feel willing to talk about it.
I've always felt like my view has been unbelievable to people, or even offensive to some, and just wondered if I really am the only wife out there who is ok with BOTH of us doing this? By no means is he the only one in this relationship that gets to look at porn, or do any of the above things, and I really feel it isn't going to lead us down some slippery slope to doom because we do. In fact, both of us feel it's one of the healthiest parts of our relationship; that we accept that there are going to be other people we find attractive and that it's ok.. as long as we don't break the commitment we made to each other. Am I totally off my rocker? Am I going to find we're horribly wrong 10 years down the line?
Thanks for your views...

posted in Happily Married - 12 replies

And the rollercoasters are the best part!!

2006-05-01T22:22:39Z

I'm 38 and he's 5o. Neither of us has done it before or even wanted to. Not long after meeting each other we knew it was just supposed to be. We bought the rings and the reservations for City Hall have been made--WE'RE GETTING MARRIED! Friday, April 28th at 12:30 pm, San Francisco City Hall. Steener is going to take pictures and be our witness. Then we'll celebrate with dinner at Michael Minnas. Reception after? Naahhh... We'll be riding rollercoasters all weekend!!! Seriously. NOW I'm excited about it all.

posted in Happily Married - 6 replies

Sex in a good marriage

2006-04-07T07:38:32Z

My wife maintains that sex is an essential part of marriage. Her parents, who are open with us that they still have sex regularly (they're in their late 50s) also say the same thing. Is this a reasonable hypothesis? I know many marriages end badly because one partner isn't getting the sex they want/need. But is it possible to have a great marriage and never have sex, or have sex only occasionally?

My grandparents are in their early 90s. Could sex still be a big part of their relationship?

posted in Happily Married - 22 replies

Togetherness

2006-04-06T23:35:44Z

I know couples who do everything together. They work and play together and are almost never apart. I know couples who do almost nothing together except live in the same house. I'm somewhere in between. We have different interests that we both are involved in and even sometimes take time apart to pursue them. I actually cherish the time I get to spend by myself. Yet we love being together at home and enjoy doing things together out, as well. What is your preferred level of togetherness?

posted in Happily Married - 6 replies

intense

2006-04-06T20:52:14Z

a friend of mine was married one sat morning about 8 yrs ago... on the way to the airport for their honeymoon, they were hit head on and both were hospitalized for weeks. i was so sad for them, of course... but a very spiritual person's view was different. she said that people who are in traumatizing (or, i suppose, extremely wonderful) events together are bonded in a big way. do u think that this is true? i have seen it in other situations, as well. going to see aerosmith and pearl jam with my little sister was a terrific bonding agent. i guess that visceral experiences bring out the true nature of a person. i guess that how the other person acts during the crisis determines how it will affect their relationship. if, during a dangerous situation, the spouse's reaction is to protect the other, that's got to prove something big. watching couples fear-factor, one husband freed himself from his locks under water and his wife was stuck down there. he swam his ass off to that buoy... everyone on land was amazed at his non loyalty... well i'm just rambling now. do u think that visceral experiences can affect the core of your relationship?

posted in Happily Married - 5 replies

come dance & raise some $ for the leukemia society wednesday april 5th

2006-04-04T20:58:40Z

come spend happy hour with us at shine and help raise some $ for the Leukemia Society.

For details checkk out the eVite:

this wehttp://www.evite.com/pages/invite/viewInvite.jsp?event=UKNHIQGEYZXUIIWSLAJZ

posted in Happily Married - 0 replies

Favorite date

2006-04-03T03:57:09Z

How often do you go out on a "date" and what does your typical date look like? Movie and dinner for us.

posted in Happily Married - 18 replies

Leukemia Fundraiser

2006-03-11T16:44:33Z

Hi there!

I am raising money for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. This is a very important cause and I'm asking you to help by making a contribution! Please use the link in this email to donate online quickly & securely. You will receive email confirmation of your donation and I will be notified as soon as you make your donation. I thank you in advance for your support, and really appreciate your generosity!!

http://www.active.com/donate/mchsvmb/isidro

Please forward this email to as many people as you can to encourage them to donate as well!

Isidro Alvarez
www.castillolends.com -Your dream. Our purpose.

posted in Happily Married - 0 replies

I proposed...

2006-02-23T21:56:03Z

The same instant I decided to marry her.

We were having dinner and it dawned on me that she was the one. I didn't wait a minute from that thought.

19 years later I still congratulate myself on that moment of inspiration.

posted in Happily Married - 9 replies

Okay, besides the obvious sweet loving <g>...

2006-02-17T02:30:22Z

...what are you and your beloved doing for V-day? We haven't decided yet if we want a snazzy dinner date thing, a cheap movie date thing (mmmmm, nachos!), or a cuddly stay-at-home cheese plate and board games thing. So what're you guys doing?

And does anyone who has been married for a long time have the same issue that I now do, where you're pretty much writing the same stuff in your V-day cards every year any more? I mean, how many ways can you write about how ridiculously much you adore someone, how much you are grateful for him, how much you look forward to the next 50 years together? I've been writing mushy cards to this guy 4-5 occasions per year, for 19 years! It's good stuff to hear, but I had being redundant. Ack! Maybe I'll have to resort to finding the perfect sonnet, or something (though I have done that, too). What do you do?

posted in Happily Married - 10 replies

What makes it happy?

2006-01-29T05:56:26Z

Hi, I'm unmarried, but I've found what seems like real love for the first time at age 42.

I'm curious to know what you think. Does a happy marriage result from:

-the partners being the right sort of people for marriage.
-finding the right person.
-just plain hard work.

Thanks

posted in Happily Married - 7 replies

stress

2006-01-17T16:34:11Z

Hi All,
Do you have any tried and true methods to keep outside stress (i.e. money, career, health) from effecting your interactions with your spouse?
Normally we can put aside that stress and still have a lovely time together, but lately we've been getting overwhelmed due to a mold problem that's effecting our health and our check book. It's not that we're fighting, but we can't seem to tear our minds away from the huge list of things that need to be done and it ends that one or both of us is grumpy, feeling ill, and short of temper.
Thanks for any suggestions!

posted in Happily Married - 7 replies

Thank you

2006-01-04T19:15:29Z

Hello! I'm new, but I just wanted to say a big THANK YOU to you all! Reading the past threads have been a big inspiration to me. As of yesterday I've been happily married for 6 months! :-) Short, I know, but we're planning on making it longer, lol! We are both the first of our friends to get married and it's sometimes hard to talk it out with my girlfriends, who absolutely can't relate. I love being married, it's so refreshing to hear that other people out there do too! Why is it that whenever you get married everyone tells you horror stories of their relative's friend's friend whose marriage ended in scandalous catastrophe?
~namaste~

posted in Happily Married - 3 replies

Date night!

2005-12-13T10:59:25Z

So my wife and I both work a lot and our free time together is extremely important and we like to have at least one date night per week. Typically, it's very simple - dinner, maybe go book shopping, etc.

What do you ddo when you have the time?

posted in Happily Married - 7 replies

38 years and getting better

2005-12-07T19:34:26Z

we met in 65. married in 67. together 24/7 last 20 years. living the good life. it don't get no better than this.

posted in Happily Married - 4 replies

learning and marriage

2005-11-09T22:52:07Z

A friend of mine will be getting married soon, and I've been asked to say something on the topic of 'learning' at the event. Since 'learning' is pretty broad I figured I would focus it on learning related to marriage. With that in mind, I'm curious to hear people's answers to these three questions:

1. What is the most important thing you learned before you got married?

2. What is the most important thing you learned after you got married?

3. What do you think you still need to learn?

posted in Happily Married - 7 replies

What is the point of marriage

2005-10-28T04:48:06Z

A tribemate recently posted:

"live together, which isn't the point of marriage."

If making a commitment to be together isn't the point of marriage, what is?

posted in Happily Married - 12 replies

Another year down

2005-10-23T04:22:20Z

Yesterday was my wedding anniversary and, as I do every year...I ask my husband if he was happy with the last year and, if he wants to sign up for another.

I am happy to say, as I was wrapped in his arms, he told me I don't need to ask again because he wants nothing but me for the rest of his life.

I know he stated this when he said I do but..it is always nice to hear he wants no other options.

I LOVE YOU MATTHEW LADUKE

posted in Happily Married - 1 reply

Thanksgiving?

2005-10-06T05:53:04Z

What do you do for Thanksgiving? It's always a huge gathering for me. I feel more and more like it's my responsibility to have it at my house every year because my husband's parents won't have a thanksgiving without us. I can't invite them to my sister's so when we get an invite there I end up with two thanksgivings, one at my sis's and one on Friday at home. Plus then there's all my husbands hapless brothers and sisters who I need to invite too. Even I can see that they can't have it at their houses.

And that's just the relatives, I've got my seven children, two son in laws and three grandkids who will show up at both. I'm getting round up on an all out bitch here but will save it for my blog.

posted in Happily Married - 4 replies

How do you handle the changes?

2005-08-12T00:59:13Z

Hi all, I'm new here. I've been married for 2 years to my best friend, and am very happy. (We've been together for 6 years total). Right now, we're dealing with our first big challenge, and I just wanted to get some advice from happily married people who have been through their share of challenges.

I guess the crux of it is that I am 30 and going through the cliched 30-year-old re-evaluation and change. Call is Saturn Return, call it pre-midlife crisis, call it what you will, but I am changing a lot, and pretty fast. I am reconnecting to my spirituality and sexuality, am considering a career change, etc. My husband is older (47) and is more set in his ways. And it feels a little like we are growing apart. I spend more time doing things with friends or alone, and he still wishes that I was home watching TV with him.

Overall, I think we're handling it OK. He's come with me to some of my events (he's learning to drum, for example). And I have set aside one day a week when I don't go out and we stay home together all evening. We love each other and communicate fairly well and we both know how to compromise. But I guess I am wondering more generally how people in successful marriages allow change to happen so they don't stagnate while being careful not to grow apart.

Put another way, how do you balance your personal needs with your partner's needs and your needs as a couple when needs are in a state of flux? It has only been a few years, and already our relationship bears almost no resemblance to the one we started with. This marriage stuff is very strange, but the rewards are truly wonderful. I want to make sure I take good care of this relationship.

Any advice or thoughts welcome. And thanks!!

posted in Happily Married - 10 replies

How long?

2005-06-16T08:06:52Z

How long have you been married? And how long have you been together? Kids?

We will have been married 3 years in August, and will have been together 4 years in March. We have a son that will be 2 on the 19th. (we moved a little fast I guess..)

posted in Happily Married - 69 replies

Sexual Experiences and Emotion in Women Results

2005-06-15T05:33:00Z

I recruited research participants from this chat/discussion group several months ago for a study on Sexual Experiences and Emotion in Women. I want to thank the women who took part in this research. The study is now complete. If you have further questions or comments you may contact me at skycladgrrl@yahoo.com.
Thank You
Tera Beaber

Here is a summary of the study’s goals and results:

Goals and Results of the Study of Sexual Experiences and Emotion in Women
The goal of this research was to study the relationship between sexual functioning and anxiety in two groups: lesbians and heterosexual women. One interest was in investigating whether there are differences in anxiety and sexual functioning between heterosexual women and lesbians. Additionally, based on prior results, I hypothesized that anxiety is negatively correlated with sexual functioning among both heterosexual women and lesbians.
Participants were 42 women in lesbian relationships and 78 women in heterosexual relationships recruited through announcements posted on internet sites. Women over the age of 18 who were in a monogamous romantic relationship for at least 6 months were eligible to participate. The average age for lesbians was 30.05 years and the average age for heterosexuals was 28.77 years. The majority of participants were Caucasian, (76.2% of lesbians and 78.2% of heterosexuals), with smaller proportions of American Americans, Asian Americans/Pacific Islanders, and Hispanics. The average length of the current relationship was 40.13 months for lesbians and 38.91 months for heterosexuals.
One of the questionnaires used in this research measured anxiety. I found that lesbians and heterosexuals reported similar levels of anxiety. Another questionnaire that I used asked for reports of sexual functioning. I found that lesbian participants reported higher levels of arousal and orgasm than heterosexual participants, but that the groups did not differ in reports of desire, lubrication, satisfaction, pain, or overall sexual functioning. Additionally, I found that the various aspects of sexual functioning correlate with one another differently for lesbians and for heterosexuals. When I analyzed the relationship between anxiety and sexual functioning, I found different results in the lesbian and heterosexual groups. Among lesbian women, anxiety was not related to any aspect of sexual functioning. However, among heterosexual participants higher anxiety was associated with higher reports of pain and lower reports of orgasm, lubrication, and overall sexual functioning. In other words, the results suggest that anxiety is negatively related to sexual functioning among heterosexuals, but that it is unrelated to sexual functioning among lesbians. Again, I want to express my thanks to the women who participated in my research. My findings were intriguing, and I am looking forward to conducting more extensive research on this topic in the future.

posted in Happily Married - 0 replies

one year anniversary suggestions!

2005-05-22T12:55:04Z

Our one year anniversary is coming up and we're heading for a long weekend up to Vancouver B.C. I'd love some fun suggestions for things to do in the area, or just some good notions for how to celebrate and make it as special as I feel about it.

posted in Happily Married - 3 replies

What do you want from your marriage?

2005-05-19T21:34:42Z

When I got married, I didn't do so to be taken care of- I wanted a woman who wanted to share my life, to be my equal, to be better at things I wasn't and vice-versa, so we could learn and grow together... I didn't want a woman who wanted to take care of me, I wanted someone with drive and ambition, someone who wanted to go through life bettering herself. I was lucky enough to find that woman... but in time, things change, as we do- family comes, our priorities change, our responsibilties grow. Of course, life is never 100% as planned... things don't go the way we want, timetables are not what we expect. More and more I find myself envious of men with traditional relationships... and having spouses who seem to willingly cater to them... Of course, part of that's my fault... never have been quite able to make it on my income alone. I feel like I shouldn't expect those things...

posted in Happily Married - 1 reply

Pre-marriage cohabitation

2005-05-18T12:57:19Z

Just curious how many successful marriages went through a trial living together run beforehand.

We did (1st for both, now married 8.5yrs, together over 9.5). Wouldn't have done it any other way, although I suspect it may have turned out the same anyhow :-)

Wondering what kind of importance you give to a "test run" - if any. Need some input for late night discussions with conservative friends at work :-)

posted in Happily Married - 35 replies

New job possability?

2005-05-17T20:39:51Z

I have been really unhappy at my current job for some time. I'm bored, and there is no room for advancement.

I may have the opportunity for a new job that would be higher pay, more challenge, and have opportunity for advancement. However, the hours (at least for a while) would be 2-10, 4 days on, 2 days off. My husband currently works 6-4:30 Monday thru Thursday.

So if I would take the job, I wouldn't see him as much. How have other couples dealt with this? I believe this job is better for me, but I'm not sure it is better for us. Any advice?

posted in Happily Married - 4 replies

The hardest time in your marriage?

2005-05-07T18:51:35Z

We had always been gloriously happen until right after our first child was born and then we had a lot of misunderstandings and role confusion (and the fact that I didn't realize how passive aggressive I can be!).

We did counseling and it helped SO much and things are great.

How about the rest of you? When was the hardest time and how did you handle it?

posted in Happily Married - 2 replies

Research on Sexual Experience and Emotion in Women

2005-03-01T06:46:47Z

Research on Sexual Experience and Emotion in Women

-Are you a female over the age of 18 years old who has been in a monogamous relationship with either a male or female for at least 6 months?

- You are invited to participate in an anonymous on line survey concerning sexual experience and emotion. This research is being conducted by a graduate student at the California School of Professional Psychology.

- Participation will take approximately 20 minutes

- If you are interested go to

http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.asp?u=79238749091

password: sexuality

- For more information or questions email skycladgrrl@yahoo.com

posted in Happily Married - 0 replies

Romantic Holiday Gift

2004-12-17T21:33:42Z

Hi all,

I'm a newlywed and very happily married, but I'm absolutely stumped as to what to give my beautiful wife for Christmas. Unforatunately, we're on a pretty strict budget (we'd like to buy a house in the Bay Area at some point), so I'm looking for a fairly inexpensive gift (under $100).

Any ideas? What's the most romantic thing someone's ever given you?

posted in Happily Married - 4 replies

Happily Married! You betcha

2004-11-10T21:19:44Z

I found this tribe about 2 months ago, but I wasn't married yet so I didn't join.

As of last weekend I am officially "happily married". Yay!

I guess I was happily engaged, happily living together and happily dating before that.

I am so excited to be married. Believe me, I am not a "I must be married to live" kind of person. I was divorced and thought I might not marry again, but after meeting my husband it just felt right.

If we can just figure out a way anyone can get married and share this awesome experience, it would all be perfect.

posted in Happily Married - 1 reply

Never want to be away from each other...

2004-11-06T20:59:25Z

So I ran into this job to pet sit/house sit for a couple weeks. It's about a 45 minute drive but it is good well needed money for us. We only have one car that is way overused already but I want to work it out somehow and do this. Just last night hubby brings up that he didn't want me to do it/ wouldn't know how we'd work it out/it's going to suck in general/it's going to suck being away from each other for two weeks. Well, I am pretty much set up with the people I'm going to pet sit for so I don't want to back out. I want to make it work somehow. Hopefully, we will be able to borrow a relatives car for a couple weeks. Renting a car sounds wasteful no matter how cheap it sounds. Anyway, I just wanted to rant about it. Anyone else out there like that with their spouse, they just can't stand being away for so long?

posted in Happily Married - 10 replies

Portland,OR young and married advice

2004-10-23T07:55:07Z

Hey I'm recently and happily married for all of about four months (hooray!) The thing is, I live in Portland Oregon and I know there are other mid-twenties happily married folk SOMEWHERE around here but haven't reallly found good outlets to meet them.
And I say this, because I've noticed a really sharp and sudden drop in my single friends calling me to go do things, with or without my husband. Portland can be very single person oriented. I joked about making a T-shirt that said "Call me, wifey still likes to party" with my number on it, but it sounded too insinuating of sexual situations. Even on my birthday the only folks who could suddenly and eagerly come out this year (two months after the wedding with one month of that being spent in Japan) were my one pair of recently engaged friends.
So yeah, I'm feeling kind of oddly lonely. I know that while my husband is my favorite human on the planet we still both need solid social outlets away from our home and sometimes each other.
Prior to our meeting I went to a live concert a week at least, out to some bar/club maybe once or twice every couple of weeks, and seemed to have more hobbies. Now it all seems both kind of expensive or irresponsible, and I'm working more so I've got less energy, but I know that we need to get out.
Suggestions for this hard and unexpected transition?

posted in Happily Married - 9 replies

I love my crazy husband.

2004-10-14T14:26:43Z

He got a new toy today, a big medieval pointy stick with barbs. It's so fun seeing him play with it. :)
http://www.flickr.com/photos/sonya/sets/17273/

I had found a cool old antique Japanese abacus at the same asian antiques place, but when I saw how excited he got about this thing (which I admit is really damn cool), I put down my toy and we bought his. It was totally worth it for the look on his face!

posted in Happily Married - 3 replies

We did it!!!

2004-09-14T07:38:38Z

This one's a special case...

A Canadian boy & an Estonian girl getting married in Kuressaare, Estonia .. after meeting up in San Francisco and travelling halfway across the globe to be reunited.

Ooberhappily.

http://www.hot.ee/nocore/wedding

posted in Happily Married - 3 replies

Love languages

2004-08-03T04:34:13Z

Are people who are happily married in tune with their love languages? When Joanna and I went to our Catholic Marriage Encounter, one of the things that we talked about was how you have to be congisant of the ways that your lover shows love for you. They had five categories, and you, separate from your fiance, mark down which ones were ways that you show your love or liked to have love shown to you. Then you got together and compared notes. We both found that we both showed love in the same way. For instance, we both didn't put gifts as a high priority, but we both thought that physical love was important. It didn't matter which ones you picked, or even if you picked different ones than your spouse, as long as you talked about it and realized that your spouse might show love differently than you did.

Anyway it helped you understand more about your own love languages and also more about what things your spouse might be doing to show love that you didn't realize.

Anyway I'm setting all this up because we have a freind who recently lamented:

"There are certain things that I request of him, and have been requesting of him for years, that he doesn't make any effort to do. Say, for example, telling me he loves me. Hello? We've been together for years and he STILL refuses to say "I love you" more than a few times a month. Like it takes a whole lot of effort to SAY three words. And when I ask him if he, indeed, still loves me, he says "of course." So why is it so hard for him to SAY so? I will never understand. My family is very big on hugging and signs of affection. We tell each other "I love you" all the time and I tell my son several times a day. But dh just will not do it. It hurts my feelings. I've told him this, calmly and not-so calmly and it doesn't even phase him. He still won't say it. It kills me."

It just sounds to me like her husband speaks a different love language than she does.

posted in Happily Married - 2 replies

invitation for you happilies to help out some singles

2004-08-01T15:05:12Z

hello
i moderated inter-tribal 101 which is tribe that started to be about interracial relationships/dynamics but now has become much more.

it dawned on me that we are just a bunch of singles talking about all our past mistakes when in reality we need some more perspective from people who are actually in successful relationships.

would any of you please consider joining there too and helping us out?

http://worldpop.tribe.net

WE NEED YOU. THANKS.

posted in Happily Married - 4 replies

Online Romances

2004-07-30T19:57:36Z

I am curios about how many have met, fallen in love and married, due to an online connection. It happened to me. We just got married, after meeting almost 4 years ago, online. I lived in Pa. He was from CT. He's the best thins that ever happened to me.

posted in Happily Married - 16 replies

I would like to declare...

2004-07-24T20:27:54Z

that I LOVE MY WIFE!

Carry on...

posted in Happily Married - 3 replies

Advice to a newlywed...

2004-07-24T16:02:16Z

Hi all,

My husband and I have been married for 15 months an we're loving it. Wanted to hear some advice from the folks who've been doing it a lot longer what they think keeps them happy and their marriage fresh.

-Jo

posted in Happily Married - 13 replies

Calling All Dads

2004-07-02T15:27:32Z

I've started a new Tribe for dads. Come along and talk about why you love being a dad, share your experiences and advice, and help figure out ways we can improve the image of fatherhood!

Dads rule!

http://otherparent.tribe.net

posted in Happily Married - 0 replies

Dear All Things Considered

2004-07-02T12:25:59Z

[These comments were written in response to commentator Gwen Macsai's Advice for New Fathers, broadcast on Father's Day, 20 June, 2004, on NPR.]

http://www.npr.org/rundowns/segment.php?wfId=1966480

Dear ATC:

[These comments are rather belated, since I only just listened to the commentary by Gwen Macsai on advice for new fathers.]

Thank you, Ms. Macsai, for providing such hopeful and helpful insights into fatherhood on this, the Father's Day just after my son's first birthday. Never before had I realized just now selfish and inept I was as a father, and how thankful I should be to have my ever so much more intelligent and loving wife save me from raising my son. All new fathers share an insecurity that we're not up to the task, and that we're doing things all wrong. Now, we're certain of it. Thanks for clarifying.

There seems to be a popular trend in this country to portray fathers as bumbling fools, whose clumbsy attempts at adulthood are as endearing as they are frustrating. As a father, I readily admit that I've made - and will continue to make - sometimes baffling mistakes when it comes to fatherhood and marriage. I'm sure my wife would happily bear witness to my confession. However, contrary to the implication of your comments, I'm quite capable of learning from my blunders, and, on occasion, have been known to do something correctly. All by myself.

Fatherhood is intimidating, and becoming a new father is one of the most frightening things that has ever happened to me. As you point out, mothers have an extensive support network of books, classes, and instinct to help them through the transition to parenthood. A new father, though he may read the same books and attend the same classes, will always feel a sense of isolation from the experience. We certainly feel unprepared when our wives are writhing in pain, and there's nothing we can do. We know we're in over our heads when we first see our newborn children, small and helpless, knowing that the sole purpose of our lives has just been placed in our hands. The last thing new fathers need to hear is how stupid we are.

I understand that your commentary was meant to be lighthearted, and that you understand what being a father truly means. You are a woman, after all. However, your comments were solely about how a father can least annoy his wife, and how much more tiring it is to be a mother. Nothing about the wonder of being a father, or tremendous responsibility fathers have toward their children. Nothing about the joy of holding your son for the first time, or the pain of being apart from him and your wife during the day.

Mothers have a day. Truth be told, mothers have the entire year.

Father's Day is more than a counterbalance to Mother's Day; more than, 'They have their day. Now we have ours, too.' Next year, think more carefully about what fatherhood really means and what fathers need to hear on Father's Day. Better yet, ask your dad.

p.s. Woe to me if I were to ever write a Mother's Day commentary about the faults of mothers.

posted in Happily Married - 2 replies

Can Marriage Be Saved?

2004-07-01T00:01:06Z

Just curious if anyone in this group has any thoughts on this recent set of views in The Nation:

http://www.thenation.com/doc.mhtml?i=20040705&s=forum1

posted in Happily Married - 8 replies

Happiness

2004-06-29T22:22:08Z

I think we all learn to expect happiness at all times and when we don't feel happy, we assume some input is missing. In other words, if we are not happy, then we must not see or hear or smell or taste or feel the right things coming into our senses. We go about looking for "the right" inputs according to what we are taught to look for. More money, more sex, more food, more drink, more toys and the search never ends, we can never catch up to this illusion.

Just today I realized that happiness hits me when I am providing some useful output. For example, I sold some things on EBay that were in my garage for fifteen years; I remodeled our bathrooms; I showed my son how to fix his car; I write letters to companies that have lousy customer service; I avoid buying things and give a better tip to the waitress; I say something nice for no reason; I’ll post a note and get a thoughtful reply; and on and on. Oddly, none of the inputs ever bring the level of sustained joy that these outputs bring.

We all need to try and capture the moments when we are happy and try to note exactly why. I bet you will find that we all create most of our own happiness and unhappiness.

If we brought children into the world we know the deepest burdens and the highest joys and grandchildren extend these feelings even more.

The journey is all we have and each day is a new opportunity to enjoy the ride with the car we were loaned and the passengers we happen to be with. We all end up at the same destination in the end. Hope to see you on the road.

posted in Happily Married - 3 replies

In all but name...

2004-06-16T17:28:44Z

From today's edition of Marketplace:

'The British parliament is considering a bill that would let gay couples register as civil partners. This will give them many of the same financial benefits as married couples. But unmarried heterosexual couples who are in long-term relationships now want the same rights. From London Stephen Beard reports.'

http://marketplace.publicradio.org/morning_report/2004/06/16_mmr.html

As an example, the report cites the case of a woman who had had children by, and for twenty years had lived with, a man with whom she is now seperated. She receives child support, but was awarded no further compensation from the court. She says she feels angry, and that she's owed something from her former partner.

Apparently, a lot of British heterosexual 'partners' feel the same way.

So, get married! I'm becoming more and more frustrated with how lightly marriage is taken in the United States, and now in Britain. Homosexual couples have no choice but to enter into civil unions, and, as we've seen in the US, I'm sure they would jump at the chance of marriage.

If one is living, for all intents and purposes, as a married couple - and having children! - why not give one's self, partner, and family the respect and honor they deserve, and actually make a committment?

posted in Happily Married - 0 replies

How did you Meet?

2004-06-08T23:43:40Z

How did you meet your husband or wife?

Karla and I meet online on a club/group for BBWs "Big Beautiful Women" on Yahoo.

And been together for 3 and married for 2.

posted in Happily Married - 22 replies

I see a pattern here...

2004-05-24T19:12:23Z

In the "How long" thread I noticed that many of the couples (including myself) have had whirlwind romances, or at least a short amount of time between meeting and married. I know for my husband and I when we met we just 'knew' we were meant to be. Did any of you also have this 'knowing' when you met? And do any of you think that has anything to do with being happily married??
Just curious...

posted in Happily Married - 21 replies

Husbands and Mother's Day

2004-05-20T22:18:47Z

My husband used to maintain that since I wasn't his mother he didn't owe me anything on Mother's Day. Since we've had more children (then is legally allowed) he seems to have changed his mind and always honors me along with the kids. Nice. Anyway what do you think a husband's role is on Mothers Day? What if you don't have children, what then?

posted in Happily Married - 13 replies

Ever After

2004-05-14T15:32:32Z

Since the only tribe dealing with divorce is in celebration of it, I thought I'd start my own divorce support tribe:

everafter.tribe.net

This may seem incongruous with this group, but I'm the product of a divorced family, which directly affects my life and marriage. From what I've read, many of you are in a similar situation.

So, if you're coping with divorce, in any way, please feel free to join.

posted in Happily Married - 0 replies

Announcement

2004-04-22T13:39:10Z

Greetings to all.

On April 2, 2004 a daughter was born to the house of David. Her name is Mary Catherine.

As you can guess my nights and days have been filled with helping out with the baby. And yes, I do change diapers.

This birth completes our family and of course makes us very happy.

posted in Happily Married - 5 replies

Marriage counselling

2004-03-31T03:26:35Z

My husband and I are going to counselling for the first time in our 30 year marriage. It started because one of our children became depressed and the professionals helping us with her suggested it. Have any of you benefited from counselling? I love it so far but what it's adding is subtle. It's helpful to have someone prodding you to talk about things that you generally just let go or complain to someone else about. There is a rule that we don't talk about it outside of the counselling room. Really good rule!

posted in Happily Married - 0 replies

Wedding Pictures!

2004-03-19T23:42:41Z

from San Fransicso. I get all happy and teary-eyed just looking at them:

http://tinyurl.com/3dwjp

posted in Happily Married - 4 replies

Sex after pregnancy

2004-03-04T00:49:12Z

I am not talking about the physical healing that needs to take place after pregnancy, but the mental part of being a mom. Now that we have kids the passion has slowed down. Does it ever come back. I would like to hear from other Moms that went trought this.

posted in Happily Married - 5 replies

There's a new wet spot in town

2004-02-25T13:23:04Z

So sex has cooled down a bit of late. After twenty years, I’ve seen cycles, so not a worrisome affair. There was a couple of years when it was painful for her, but proper dosing with B12 seemed to work. For the last five years, been pretty good, thanks to the magic blue pill. Sure, there’s a bit of pre-planning, but its not hard. Funny how telepathic married couples become. A bit of a touch, a pat, during the day and there’s an expectation for the night.

But now, I’m lost. Swear to God. Our last ‘romantic encounter’, she hands me ‘personal lubricant’ and says “Oh for Kerrizt sakes, I’m over 50 and I’m a bit dry.”

That’s OK, no problem, except I don’t know what constitutes good manners now. I took it, thereby assuming responsibility for it, and it lies there in the nightstand drawer. Do you think perhaps I should put it in something romantic, like a heart shaped pump bottle? What is the proper timing of application? I know from a long time ago, that painful period, that it dries out, so it’s got to be pretty close to “the moment”. But I also know that reaching for the personal lubricant is in itself a “moment”, one lacking romance but exuding a vague mediciny ointment flair.

And there are practical problems. Me, or her, or both. Sequence? How deep? And once things are raring to go, there’s the wet fingers. Looking around, where to plant that new wet spot.

Because I am man, hear my roar, answers will come. No problems, eh mate?

---------------
The past is gone, the future yet to come. This moment is nothing less than the totality of existance. Wet spot or not.

posted in Happily Married - 3 replies

I'm back

2004-02-24T15:26:12Z

Alright...I doubt anyone remembers me..haha....but I've been gone from this site for about a month now..and just wanted to note that I'm back.
Whew...where to start..
Well..as far as marriage is concerned..
It's been rough...but he and I are getting through...just having some communication probs and damn, that can be a bitch!
Biggest problem, though..
Was that I had a miscarriage a month ago..
It tore my husband up more than I ever thought..and he won't even talk about it..when talking helps me heal...I'm not mad at him for it..or mad about him..I'm just aggravated b/c I cant express how I feel anymore.
We cried and discussed and cried some more on that day it happened...but that's it.
I still need closure..and he does too, so he says, but hes just not ready for it....and closure for me, would be looking at the sonar pic taken when I was 8 weeks pregnant.
But, I mean..he and I are fine about this situation..it was no ones fault, it just happened..and it's much easier and fine to talk about it now than before...time heals, I suppose.
Other than that..
My son is now 15 months old...walking all over the place!!!!! It's amazing, and am so glad I have him in my life.
Alright, I'm gone..
Glad to be back,
~~ELF

posted in Happily Married - 3 replies

What sex are they?

2004-02-24T15:11:03Z

ZIPLOC BAGS
Male, because they hold everything in, but you can always see right through them.

SWISS ARMY KNIFE
Male, because even though it appears useful for a wide variety of work, it spends most of its time just opening bottles.

KIDNEYS
Female, because they always go to the bathroom in pairs.

SHOE
Male, because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging out.

COPIER
Female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up.

TIRE
Male, because it goes bald and often is over inflated.

HOT AIR BALLOON
Male, because to get it to go anywhere you have to light a fire under it... and, of course, there's the hot air part.

SPONGES
Female, because they are soft and squeezable and retain water.

WEB PAGE
Female, because it is always getting hit on.

SUBWAY
Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.

HOURGLASS
Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.

HAMMER
Male, because it hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.

REMOTE CONTROL
Female... Ha! You thought I'd say male. But consider, it gives men pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.

posted in Happily Married - 1 reply

Do you read marriage manuals?

2004-02-24T14:43:49Z

I've read a few, some Christian (there are libraries of them)some secular. I'm reading one now called "Dancing in the Dark, The shadow side of intimate relationships" It's very interesting. When you've been married along time you are together just because you hate change or because you are happily married. To be happily married you have to figure out most of the stuff in this book eventually anyway but this book might take some of the pain and detours out of the learning process. It could save a marriage too I guess. Good reading. Do any of you have one to suggest?

posted in Happily Married - 2 replies

What are your Valentine's Day plans?

2004-02-21T00:10:59Z

Do you celebrate Valentines D? What was the best Valentines you ever had? Is it just a commericial holiday to suck us into spending money we don't have? I looked at the cards for something for my husband and they were all just stupid. Either too wordy and kind of formally sentimental or a crass humor that just doesn't fit our relationship. Any suggestions?

posted in Happily Married - 6 replies

My life in a poem

2004-02-18T10:19:21Z

This is something I wrote last year that describes how I feel about my husband and children...not great but I like it :)

EYES

I am born

I see through blue eyes but only dimly

I grow

I'm still seeing through blue eyes yet only one at a time

Something is missing

You come along

Now I can see fully through eyes of blue and hazel

Our son is born

Clarity is startling as I view life through eyes of blue, hazel and blue

We have another son

Clarity has now turned to crystaline brilliance through eyes of blue, hazel, blue and blue

Our daughter is born

The brilliance has been turned off

It's dark

Scary

Soulfully sad

Slowly the lights start to flicker back on

I'm starting to view life again through three sets of blue eyes

Your hazel eyes are closed to me

I feel warmth on my face

I look to the sky and see the stars

Clarity is returning

Brilliance shimmers on the horizon

I realise I can see through eyes of blue, hazel, blue and blue again

I know the brilliance will always be there

Through good times and bad

That even when our eyes of blue and hazel dim

There will be two sets of blue eyes

Seeing brilliance and clarity

This was written by me Penny and is not to be copied or passed off as your own without my permission

October 2003

posted in Happily Married - 2 replies

Passion in marriage

2004-02-18T07:45:54Z

I've been married to my husband for 6 yrs, we've been together for 12, living together for 11 yrs. I love him so much, he is my best friend, we enjoy spending time together. Problem is, the passion has gone bye-bye for me. He still worships the ground I walk on, is always turned on by me... what do I have to complain about, right??? But *I* don't feel it anymore... I love spending time with him, I love & crave cuddling and being close - but I just don't feel the strong sexual desire that there once was.

I know I must not be alone. Any input/advice/validation/stories are welcome....

posted in Happily Married - 22 replies

Post children

2004-02-12T03:10:38Z

I joined tribes recently. I'm AARP age, and I was struck by how many of my peers only had one friend, or weren't participating.

My wife and I recently celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary. My older son lives nearby, more or less a coincidence of life, and the younger son still has a toe in the house, though kind of like a film run backwards that is about all the connection he has left with the immersive pool of family that we once had.

We're in a good space. Comfortable with each other. Still feeling youthful, no major complaints. Bought the home we hope to be wheeled out of. Not that there aren't active worries. Wife close to loosing job. We need to pump equity into the house to be able to live on one salary. My job secure, but working for an individual and if he drops dead or moves on I'm screwed. No way to get the same salary at my age, and I need it for another decade.

And we make friends. It's amazing how easy it is to meet people of my age. Wine on decks, boats, movies, eating out, life can be good. But there is a slight desperation there. There is no way to avoid the fact that time is limited. Sure, several more decades. But the path is down. Like a dolphin, our long range sonar is beginning to detect faint echos of closure ahead.

Post children. In a good space. How should we best spend our time? We bought a house that needs style changing. Our game plan is to slowly remold it to reflect both of us. A house that we hope will be inviting to children, grandchildren, friends and guests, be it for dinner or longer.

Moving to the new house has cast the melencholy air over this. Toddler books. Old clothes hearkening to Halloweens past. Grade school. If you are happily married, value it as the great treasure it is. Time passes, and it is all good, but the colors and visuals of time change and you will not go back to what was.

posted in Happily Married - 3 replies

NEWBIE HERE

2004-02-10T02:09:30Z

Hi everyone!
I've been married for 5 yrs next month. Have 2 boys and am looking to make some friends being a stay at home mommy. Hope to hear from you all soon!!!

posted in Happily Married - 3 replies

Happily married...with kids? (Survey)

2004-02-05T09:19:41Z

Just curious about those here who are happily married and have children. I have four children, the oldest is six. When we had two, it was still manageable for my wife and I to get away and have a life, but now that we have more...we feel guilty about trying to dump four kids on my wife's parents (mine are not local) and even finding a babysitter to handle this brood is a challenge.

Anyone have similar experiences and can commiserate (sp)? Or have any particular solutions?

posted in Happily Married - 9 replies

raising yourself

2004-02-05T03:53:17Z

have any of you had problems raising a child that is just like you or just like your mate (or his mother or your brother...)?

posted in Happily Married - 3 replies

Staying Happily Married

2004-02-04T03:41:44Z

OK, Peace, bliss and all God's Blessings to everyone. I am happily married to the love of my life, Lauri, but to say things are ALWAYS pure bliss would be foolishness. We are finishing our third year married (dated for most of a decade before that), and we have rough spots.

For us, it is our vast number of differences and very few commonalities which seem to be the source of many troubles. In some respects, our differences make us a stronger unit as a whole, yes, but those are usually differences in personality.

Other differences, like those in religion (she is Jehovah's Witness while I tend to sift for the truth in all religions) and how we spend our time (we both work full-time, but I go to school full-time AND try to pursue various hobbies to stay sane, while she eschews frivolities like hobbies and obsesses on housework, claiming to hate it but also refusing to delegate) seem very divisive.

I would like to hear some good advice on how to STAY happily married and how to improve relations. How do we overcome times of trouble? Currently our two biggest sources of stress are that her step-son has decided he doesnt have to follow any rules and that he is going to move out and live with his real Dad and of course, the usual stressor: financial woes.

I want to STAY married and BUILD upon what we have, but there are times when so many outside factors seem to be conspiring to bring the house down.

Any words of wisdom, encouragement or advice?

posted in Happily Married - 18 replies

Did you plan for kids?

2004-02-04T01:19:02Z

My husband and I are still on the fence about having kids, and even if we'd want our own or to adopt. We change our minds all the time. We said we'd rediscuss in 4 years and plan from there. I know not all things in life can be planned, but we are doing our best. (Though the "when you havin' kids???" questions can be pretty annoying! How long can I say "One thing at a time, please!!"?)

Were your children planned? If not, how did it effect your marriage? If so, do you think it made the adjustment any easier, or is it one of those things that you can't anticipate at all, no matter how much you try? What were your planning criteria and do you think it even mattered?

posted in Happily Married - 6 replies

Is 12.5 years silver-plated?

2004-02-01T14:31:50Z

So my husband Mike and I celebrated 12.5 years. I love the idea of the old-fashioned "traditional anniversary gift" theme, but I've noticed that after 15 years, they get sparser and sparser, and I want more! Any ideas for other years?

Stolen from alt.wedding:

Traditional Modern Alt. Modern
1 [paper] plastics clocks
2 cotton cotton/calico china
3 leather leather crystal/glass
4 flowers linen/silk/nylon appliances
5 [wood] wood silverware
6 candy/iron iron wood
7 copper/wool copper/wool/brass desk sets
8 bronze/pottery bronze/appliances linens
9 pottery/willow pottery leather
10 [tin] aluminum diamond
11 steel steel jewelry
12 silk/linen silk/linen pearl
13 lace lace textiles/fur
14 ivory ivory gold
15 [crystal] glass watches
20 [china] china platinum
25 [silver] silver silver
30 pearl pearl pearl
35 coral coral/jade jade
40 ruby ruby/garnet ruby
45 sapphire sapphire sapphire
50 [gold] gold gold
55 emerald emerald/turquoise emerald
60 [diamond] gold diamond
75 diamond diamond/gold diamond

posted in Happily Married - 6 replies

My wife is willing to work on it

2004-01-31T02:00:57Z

Hello I posted a message a couple of days ago saying that I may lose my wife and daughter to my very selfish and compromising actions of the past. I have recently enrolled in anger-management classes and marriage counseling to try to get help changing. I know that I have been a real jerk to her in the past and I really have taken advantage of her kindness to many times, but I have told her my intentions to become a better man for her and our daughter and it just seems like even though I have done all this enrolling in classes and just doing a 180 degree turn around since the day she told me that she couldn't take it anymore and that if I didn't change that she was going to leave me that she doesn't really seem to want to talk on the phone anymore or seem to be caring or loving towards me anymore. I really don't know what to do I have taken all the right steps and I have done everything I can think of from the classes to being kind to even having her Valentines day present be shipped a little early and just come up with another one for V-day but it doesn't seem to work. She has said that maybe we shouldn't talk everyday anymore but when I do call her on every other day she doesn't really seem happy to hear from me or really even enjoy talking to me. I just want to say that all of your advice is greatly appreciated and im sorry for seeming so hopeless but I think I really am at this moment
thankyou mike,

posted in Happily Married - 5 replies

Children - do they strengthen marriages or make relationship harder

2004-01-29T21:43:50Z

Should all couples have at least one child if they can?

posted in Happily Married - 14 replies

May lose my wife and daughter

2004-01-28T11:00:11Z

well I came to this tribe solely because of its name and I really want that for myself and my wife one day......see the truth is I just recently found out how my wife truly feels and she has told me that she is not in love with me anymore and that If my recent actions did not change before I came home from deployment that she and the baby were going to leave me. Now im not saying that I don't deserve this because I have been a very bad person to her i.e. telling her that I want a divorce and that I didn't care about her and honestly I do but when I get angry with her I often times say things I don't mean at all.
I also have a problem with trusting her.....eversince we got married a year and a half ago when I was twenty and she was 18 I can't seem to let go of my past and I'm constantly thinking that if she goes out dancing or something of that nature that she is going to do something to hurt me. Now I have already talked to the base chaplain and my platoon sgt. about this and I realize I just need to change because I seriously can't lose the two most important things in this world because than my world would come crumbling down. This is just a cry for help maybe there will be a knowledgable person that can help me thankyou.

posted in Happily Married - 3 replies

1 1/2 years strong!

2004-01-25T22:35:17Z

Young, and married....and lasting over a year! Scary...I know...When my husband (20) and I (21) celebrated our one year anniversary last August, we actually were amazed we lasted that long b/c of those damn statistics about marriages and young marriages. We're very very happy...August 16th is our anniversary. When we became married we didn't have enough money for a ceremony, I was over 5 months pregnant, and oly 60 bucks in our pocket--enough for a court wedding...HEY, NOTHINGS WRONG WITH THAT!..Hopefully, in time, we can have an actuall beautifull ceremony (planning in the works). Our son is now over a year old, and well.....I have another baby on the way...Due just days after our anniversary! We have that typicall lifestyle....own home...cats, babies..car, job..I'm a willing stay at home mom...(if you're also one, you're not alone!). I'm just rambling here..I know, bare with me. I just wanted to join the tribe for sole fact that people don't have to run away from married couples, with kids!! You know, just b/c we're married doesn't mean we have 'marriage koodies'. I mean...my husband and I still have fun, we still talk, we love to party (slightly...and when appropiate..haha of course)...we don't have the plague..hahaha. Anyway...I'm glad to be here where other married couples can relate! Thanks! ~~~~~ELF

posted in Happily Married - 13 replies

Even if you are married , do you see your friends ?

2004-01-16T05:12:43Z

I love seeing my girl friends for a cup of tea , walk , going out to eat or see a good movie.
They give me something with our talks , laughs that men doesnt understand . I got energy out of talking with them and laughing.

Do you do something with your girl friends or guys with your friends ??
Hugs Kerstin

posted in Happily Married - 15 replies

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